Career based on being a test subject of Portal's Aperture Science.
Rise through the ranks from a lowly test subject to becoming the most powerful AI the world will ever know... GLaDOS.
The pay is crazy, but first, you must survive the stress of being a test subject.
Praying Mantis Test Subject
"Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news. Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts."
(Starts at 8 am, 8 hours) - $50 an hour
Gaslighting the Test Subjects
If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is, it's working.
(Starts at 9 am, 7 hours) - $87 an hour
Superconductor Superpower Test Subject
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
(Starts at 10 am, 7 hours) - $152 an hour
Repulsion Gel Test Subject
This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.' You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
(Starts at 11 am, 6 hours) - $266 an hour
Tumors with Nanoparticles Test Subject
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors. Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
(Starts at 12 pm, 6 hours) - $465 an hour
Fluorescent Calcium Test Subject
Just a heads-up: That coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious. Visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.
(Starts at 1 pm, 6 hours) - $813 an hour
Kepler Seven Test Subject
Now, if you're part of Control Group Kepler-Seven, we implanted a tiny microchip about the size of a postcard into your skull. Most likely you've forgotten it's even there, but if it starts vibrating and beeping during this next test, let us know, because that means it's about to hit five hundred degrees, so we're gonna need to go ahead and get that out of you pretty fast.
(Starts at 2 pm, 6 hours) - $1422 an hour
Time Travel Test Subject
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
(Starts at 3 pm, 5 hours) - $2488 an hour
Teleportation Test Subject
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
(Starts at 4 pm, 5 hours) - $4354 an hour
Brain Mapping Test Subject
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now. Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
(Starts at 5 pm, 5 hours) - $7619 an hour
Complete Reassembly with Science Stuff
In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together. So that's a complete reassembly. New vitals. Spit-shine on the old ones. Plus we're scooping out tumors. Frankly, you oughta be paying us.
(Starts at 6 pm, 5 hours) - $13333 an hour
Detention Center Test Subject
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center. We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one. Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper. Before we start, however, keep in mind that, although fun and learning are the primary goals of all enrichment center activities, serious injuries may occur. For your own safety, and the safety of others, please refrain from...
(Starts at 7 pm, 4 hours) - $23332 an hour
Portal Gun Test Subject
Very good. You are now in possession of the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. With it, you can create your own portals. These intra-dimensional gates have proven to be completely safe. The device, however, has not. Do not touch the operational end of The Device. Do not look directly at the operational end of The Device. Do not submerge The Device in liquid, even partially. Most importantly, under no circumstances, should you...
(Starts at 8 pm, 4 hours) - $40831 an hour
GLaDOS Test Subject
Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster... I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
(Starts at 9 pm, 3 hours) - $71454 an hour
Discouragement Redirection Cubes Test Subject
This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.
(Starts at 10 pm, 3 hours) - $125044 an hour
Aerial Faith Plates Test Subject
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
(Starts at 11 pm, 3 hours) - $218827 an hour
Emancipation Grills Test Subject
Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which may, in semi-rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth.... If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples. You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.
(Starts at 12 am, 3 hours) - $382947 an hour
Hard Light Bridge Test Subject
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
(Starts at 1 am, 2 hours) - $670157 an hour
Turrets Test Subject
This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck.
(Starts at 2 am, 2 hours) - $1172774 an hour
Tractor Beam Test Subject
Yeah... Made this test myself. Out of some smaller tests. That I found. Lying around. Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
(Starts at 3 am, 1 hours) - $2052354 an hour
Potato / GLaDOS
Oh. Hi. So. How are you holding up? BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
(Starts at 4 am, 1 hours) - $3591619 an hour
Caroline
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend. The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain. Goodbye, Caroline. <Caroline Deleted>
(Starts at 5 am, 1 hours) - $6285333 an hour
