MINISTRY OF INFORMATION | OFFICIAL REQUISITION PORTAL
DOCUMENT REF: MOI-REQUISITION-992-881-X
STATUS: PRE-APPROVED (Pending verification of Form 27B-6)
MINISTRY CHANCELLERY ORDER FORM: CREED MODEL 7B AUTOMATIC COMPUTER UNIT
ATTENTION CITIZEN: Congratulations on your mandatory eligibility to upgrade your domestic or departmental data network. Pursuant to Ministry Directive 88-B, please review the breakdown below to ensure total compliance with state accounting protocols.
Please note that refusal to finalise this requisition once initiated constitutes a Class C misdemeanour against public efficiency.
1. CORE COMPONENT TAXATION & REQUISITION FEES
- Creed Model 7B Automatic Computer (Base Unit): 18,400 Credits
Includes heavy-duty, 37-character per-second acoustic teletype array and open-chassis, high-voltage CRT cathode core. Housing/casing explicitly omitted to meet state airflow regulations.
- Optics & Visual Magnification Sub-Assembly: 2,250 Credits
One (1) Ministry-standard Fresnel Poly-Lens. Mandatory for rendering microscopic data streams visible to the human eye. Slight peripheral warping is normal and does not qualify for a refund.
- Central Services Installation Surcharge: 4,500 Credits
Covers the physical routing of exposed pneumatic feedback lines and high-voltage wiring through your drywall. Do not touch the wires once installed.
2. MANDATORY STATUTORY & PROCEDURAL FEES
- Application Processing Levy: 7,500 Credits
A non-refundable flat fee required to officially look at your paperwork. Please note that rejection of your application does not waive this fee.
- Primary Purchase Receipt Fee: 300 Credits
The administrative cost required to legally generate the paper slip proving you spent the money.
- Secondary Verification Receipt Fee: 150 Credits
The mandatory administrative cost required to validate the authenticity of the primary receipt.
- Carbon Copy Redundancy Surcharge: 850 Credits
Covers the ink and heavy-duty paper stock for the four (4) mandatory coloured duplicates (White, Pink, Yellow, and Canary Yellow) required for archival tracking.
TOTAL REQUIRED INITIAL DEPOSIT: 33,950 Credits
(Or forty-eight monthly installments of 850 Credits, subject to immediate adjustment based on inflation, departmental whim, or sudden structural reorganisation).
3. TERMS OF COMPLIANCE & LEGAL DISCLAIMER
By typing your authorisation code below, you explicitly acknowledge that Central Services maintains absolute monopoly over all repairs, routing adjustments, and physical diagnostics of the Creed Model 7B Automatic Computer.
Any attempt to perform unauthorised maintenance—including the adjustment of loose wires, tightening of the teletype carriage, or wiping dust off the exposed CRT monitor—by an unlicensed entity (including but not limited to rogue heating engineers, freelancers, or independent technicians acting without a signed Form 27B-6) is strictly prohibited. Violation of this clause will result in the immediate termination of your heating/cooling grid privileges and potential relocation to an information retrieval facility.
The Ministry of Information is not liable for eye strain, localised radiation burns, headaches, or loss of sanity resulting from prolonged staring into the bulging lens bubble.
[ AUTHORISE AND PRINT THREE HUNDRED COPIES ]
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS: CREED MODEL 7B AUTOMATIC COMPUTER
DEPARTMENT OF DOMESTIC UTILITIES | BUREAU OF CONSUMER COMPLIANCE
Q: My Creed Model 7B Automatic Computer arrived, but it is missing the outer protective plastic casing. There are just loose wires and a bare glass tube humming behind the keyboard. Should I file a complaint?
A: Absolutely not. The exposed nature of the high-voltage CRT core is an intentional design feature optimised for maximum thermodynamic atmospheric integration (i.e., your apartment’s ambient air cools the unit). Adding a casing would reduce operational complexity, which is a direct violation of Ministry architecture. Please refrain from touching the glowing components while the terminal is drawing power.
Q: The text on my screen looks like a bulging, spherical green soup. I have to sit precisely two inches away from the center of the Fresnel lens to read my daily quotas, and it is giving me severe vertigo. Is my lens defective?
A: Your Fresnel lens is operating entirely within normal Ministry parameters. The slight 180-degree peripheral distortion is a psychological asset designed to enhance clerk focus by completely obscuring the outside world. If you experience nausea, blinking is permitted for up to three seconds per hour.
Q: A small metal arm on the teletype mechanism jammed, and my console is just printing the letter "X" repeatedly at 110 decibels. Can I poke it with a screwdriver to unstick it?
A: DO NOT TOUCH THE APPARATUS. Performing independent mechanical adjustments without a certified Form 27B-6 is a severe treasonable offense. If you attempt a DIY repair, Central Services will immediately disconnect your apartment's oxygen or heating grid. Please submit an official Repair Requisition (Form 55-A) and wait 4 to 6 weeks for a technician to be assigned.
Q: I submitted my Repair Requisition six weeks ago. No technician has arrived, but the clattering noise is keeping my neighbors awake. What is the delay?
A: Due to a minor logistical backlog in the Department of Duplication, all repair requests are temporarily being cross-referenced with the Department of Sanitation. Do not disconnect the machine from the wall, as a silent terminal indicates a lack of patriotism. We suggest providing your neighbors with Ministry-issued industrial earplugs.
Q: Why am I being billed a monthly "Paper Jam Contingency Fee" when my console uses electronic data tracking?
A: While your console displays data electronically via the CRT, the underlying Creed 7B mechanism must print a redundant, physical carbon copy of every single thought you log into the network. This paper is fed directly into an integrated shredder located beneath your floorboards for immediate archival destruction. The fee covers the maintenance of the shredder.
Q: Can I opt out of the automated 48-month payment plan if I happen to come into a large sum of Credits all at once?
A: Paying off a government debt ahead of schedule disrupts the projected economic stability of the Ministry’s accounting sub-sector. Early repayment will trigger an immediate Sudden Wealth Audit, and your console will be repossessed without a refund to pay for the audit expenses. Please continue paying your 850 Credits on the 4th of every month.
[ REPORT AN UNSANCTIONED TECHNICIAN ] | [ REQUEST ADDITIONAL BLANK RECEIPT FORMS ]
⭐ USER REVIEWS & COMPLIANCE RATINGS (7)
FILTER BY: Highly Verified Citizens Only | SORT BY: Most Recent (Approved by Censor)
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ An Absolute Triumph of Paperwork!
Reviewer: Citizen_44921-A (Verified Purchaser)
"I was initially hesitant about the 33,950 Credit initial deposit, but the Creed Model 7B Automatic Computer has completely changed how I log my daily hardware quotas! The thunderous clatter of the teletype mechanism is incredibly satisfying—it sounds exactly like an industrial textile mill inside my tiny studio apartment. My neighbors know exactly how hard I am working for the State at 3:00 AM. The Fresnel lens works beautifully, and if I squint just right, the green text stops vibrating. Thank you to the Ministry for this mandatory blessing!"
382 citizens found this review compliant.
⭐ Splendid Machinery, Small Technicality
Reviewer: Anonymous_Clerk_09 (Anonymised for Safety)
"The console functions exactly as mandated by the Ministry. However, during installation, a Central Services technician accidentally routed the high-voltage exposed CRT cables directly through my bathtub. Now, whenever I try to wash, the water glows a faint neon green and my teletype automatically prints out a random citizen's dental records. I attempted to file a Form 27B-6 to move the wire, but the repair clerk told me my file was lost in an air duct. I am giving this one star out of absolute respect for the flawless bureaucratic process, not because I am complaining!"
Warning: This review is currently under administrative review by the Department of Subversion.
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Fits Perfectly Under My Mandatory Air Duct
Reviewer: Citizen_B_Helpmann (Verified Purchaser)
"A spectacular piece of equipment. The open-chassis design means I can watch the cathode tube sparks dance in the dark, which saves me plenty of money on lightbulbs. I did accidentally drop a piece of toast onto the exposed wiring last Tuesday, which caused a localised blackout and temporarily erased the census data for Sector 4, but Central Services arrived within nine days to fine me for unauthorised culinary activity. Highly recommend!"
12 citizens found this review helpful.
⭐⭐⭐⭐ Wonderful Sound Quality
Reviewer: D_Lowry_88 (Verified Departmental User)
"My favorite feature of the Creed Model 7B is the automated carbon copy redundancy. Every time I type a simple 'YES' or 'NO', the teletype mechanism thuds so hard it shakes the plaster off my ceiling, and four perfectly colour-coded slips shoot into the floorboards. I don't know where they go, but the internal shredder hums with immense patriotism. Deducting one star because the Fresnel lens gives me a slight third-degree sunburn if I look at it for more than eight hours without blinking."
894 clerks agreed with this sentiment.
⚠️ SYSTEM NOTICE: USER SUSPENSION
The user 'T_Tuttle_FreeHeating' attempted to post a 1-star review titled 'Central Services is a Scam, Just Fix It Yourself'. This account has been permanently liquidated, and the review has been deleted for your safety. Remember: A functioning console is a happy console.
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